To parents: Learning is not one-size-fits-all and we're struggling to figure ourselves out. But relax, it's all good.
Being born at the tail end of the 90s, I had the advantage of getting to choose who I wanted to be as a kid, thanks to my parents. I had my own, miniscule vision of the world that was supported by an overwhelming lack of knowledge, experience, and understanding of how people behave and function in an American society. I often observed and questioned everything that happened in front of me, and I wasn’t quite fond of the, “What you see is what you know” attitude. I knew the world possessed dynamism; I just didn’t know where to find it.
I was surely inquisitive and adaptable, and I would take whatever new knowledge I could get my teeny hands on. My parents' decision not to shelter me from the outside world led me to become one of the most annoying, curious children you'd ever meet; the kind that asks a million questions about frivolous things that don't seem to hold much significance to a grown-up.
That’s not to say there weren’t strict parents during my era because there most certainly were. You know what parents I’m talking about, yup. Most of my friends’ parents were quiet, stern, set in their ways, and gave little opinion on pretty much anything that could be considered interesting to a child. They went to work, came home and ate dinner, asked their kids how school was, watched the evening news, and plummeted off into a deep sleep in their sleep number beds with a tall glass of (sometimes water) on their bedside table. They were the ones who were evil enough not to allow their kids to have tv sets in their bedrooms as means of preventing them from staying up too late.
And there were others who were so careless that I couldn’t believe they were allowed to be parents. As if they needed to pass an exam to raise a child (that’s how I thought it went, yikes). You know what I’m talking about, those parents who let their children watch Austin Powers movies at the age of five and contaminate them with second-hand cigarette smoke in the car on a daily basis like it’s Pediasure. I’m not bashing them, because some things that were considered socially acceptable then are far from parentally-legal now. Do ya thang, Susan.
Then came my parents, who fit somewhere in the middle of strict and careless. They cared, of course, sometimes too much and hardly too little, but most importantly, they didn’t smother me with their beliefs and ban me from accessing the culturally-rich environment I was born into. I clearly remember the first time I dropped the F-bomb on my mom and I definitely picked it up from a 50 Cent song. I wasn’t even old enough to form full sentences. Did I mention that I was an incredibly observant kid?
My point is, I was blessed with parents who kind of let me rock and do my thing, for lack of a better phrase. With boundaries, of course, but encouragement to explore and broaden my small handful of knowledge. But in some ways, truly, I think of the 90s as a little bit more relaxed and care-free than the decades that came before it. Technology was emerging and succeeding, fashion was absolutely whack and the music was ahead of its time.
So as a child, the idea of becoming a famous singer became so attainable to me and nobody really seemed to sense there was anything wrong with it, or at least they didn’t make it known to me. My parents supported my childhood dream of becoming a rockstar, somewhere along the lines of Avril Lavigne and Shania Twain. Oh, my beloved five-year-old aspirations. My parents made the bold decision to buy me my first guitar and karaoke set when I was six years old. Let me put this into perspective for you: think about how children are with iPads and iPhones these days – totally, completely usurped and fascinated – that’s how I was with a microphone in hand and a guitar on my lap. I wanted to have a big, loud voice and I had this strange, growing desire to be heard by everyone I encountered (both literally and figuratively). Yes, I was only six years old, but in my mind, I was six going on 26 and I thought I was the queen of dreams and innocent confidence. It was quite amusing, so I’ve heard.
As I grew older, I navigated my American culture with an open mind and curiosity for just about everything. I became a truly unconventional human being and I can’t say much has changed since. I’m weird, eclectic, creative, and most importantly, loud as ever (just ask anyone, it’s a universally-known fact).
I continued playing guitar and singing all throughout childhood and adolescence. I loved it and it became half of who I am today. Shout out to Gwen Stefani and No Doubt, ha! I also became infatuated with art and writing, and both became wonderous creative outlets during my youngest years. I have my parents to thank for allowing me to figuratively explore the colors of my brain in that sense.
Before you ask, let me answer: no, I am not good at math and science and I truly don’t think it’s a part of my grand life-calling. I say that with certainty. But keep on trying, I’m sure you have it in you somewhere. I, on the other hand, assume I was just born without that tiny part in my brain.
When I approached high-school, I wanted to do a million things with my life. Music was out of the question because it didn’t feel attainable for me at that age, especially coming out of Connecticut. It remained as a hobby and it’s something I’ll always exercise as a facet of my well-being and creativity. But at this point, I was literally all over the place. I continued my pursuit to further my creative skills, and by the time of high school graduation, I had taken almost every art class my school had to offer. I became an avid learner, reader, and writer, and English class for me was like recess for a second grader. My friends thought I was really weird.
After my efforts to pursue psychology during the first half of my freshman year in college, I felt an immediate halt on my creativity. I felt hushed and limited, as if I were creatively immobile. I thought that if I continued to strictly pursue this subject, I’d burn out and struggle to find self-fulfillment. It didn’t give my voice the volume that it desired.
So, I changed my major to Communication, Media & Screen Studies and truthfully, the past two years of my life have been ineffably, creatively overwhelming, to say the least. I freaking love it. And I have my dad to thank for supporting my scholarly endeavors. We were all nervous, but I knew what I wanted at this point; it was just a matter of getting there.
As crazy as it seems, I feel like I’m six years old again with the most determination and passion as ever, except this time, I’m a little older and a bit wiser. I carry no doubt or discouragement, and I’ve grown to be the most curious person I’ve ever known. Asking too many questions has done nothing but benefitted me and thank god the environment I was raised in allowed for that. That innocent confidence I possessed as a child blossomed into perseverance as a young adult.
I’m indebted to the late 90s for the emergence of anti-censorship, pop-culture and creativity. I say what I want (with a filter, of course), as loudly as I want, and I don’t regret it, not even one bit. I’ve gathered my valued observations of the world and decided that my favorite thing to do is write about them. So, that’s what I’m gonna do.
Thanks to my parents being the type of parents they were, I’m proud to admit that out loud without even the slightest fear of judgement.
Unfortunately, not many people have that comfort and security with what they want to do with their lives at this age. I got really lucky. I was lucky to have the familial support to pursue my passion in writing. So many people doubted me, but my family never did, and that’s half of how I got here.
That being said, college is really freaking hard, regardless of what you’re studying. It's scary to know that you need a degree to be qualified for many jobs and for some students, one tough class can stand in the way of achieving that. Most of the jobs that our parents have with degrees from two-year colleges now require us to have our master's degrees just to be considered as a potential employee. The bar is only being raised higher.
We compromise our sleep schedules, eating habits, and mental health just to acquire a piece of paper that says we're capable of succeeding. I can't tell you how many of my friends have dealt with crippling depression and anxiety as a result of the pressure they're placed under and the expectations to which they are held, by both their educators and their families. And to top it off, it's gonna cost just over $33,000 in loans to graduate. Woo-hoo!
What past generations learned in high school and in college is what third-graders are currently being taught in grade school. I can’t help my friends’ younger siblings with their homework because it looks completely foreign to me. The truth is, learning is getting harder, and now more than ever, parents need to be mindful of that. It especially doesn't come easy to all.
I’ve had to take math and science courses and truly thought it was going to be the end of the world for me because the idea of passing them was comical. But, I did what everybody else was doing. I stuck it out and I got through it. It may have put a small dent in my GPA, but it didn’t touch my determination. Though it can get really difficult to keep going at times, you have to do your best. That’s what my father has always told me, and that’s what all parents should be telling their kids. If he wasn't on my side, I wouldn't be here.
He, on the other hand, always showed me he was proud of me for trying, regardless of what grade I brought home. “You couldn’t have gotten an A? Why just a B?” was something that was never said at the dinner table at my house. But for others, it can become the primary topic of conversation with their parents. We can’t let that happen anymore. It. Is. Damaging.
I have friends who were too afraid to apply to college because they had become so discouraged by their family members when they struggled to get through high school. Like I said before, learning is really hard, and everybody’s brain is tremendously different. Holding kids to unreachable standards can often do the opposite of what parents are trying for.
I also have friends who have left college because they’ve become so rattled with self-doubt and ambiguity within their career choice. We're placed under an unbearable amount of pressure to "figure it all out" when we're barely adults, with little real-world experiences that truly teach us how to act. Realistically, does it even make sense for us to know exactly what we want to do with our lives at the age of 18? We can’t legally drink until we’re 21 years old. That, my friends, is some wild shit right there.
If I had stuck with psychology, I’d be a mess and not a pretty one. I thought I knew what I wanted, but I quickly learned that I didn’t, and there is not one ounce of shame in that. I repeat: THERE IS NO SHAME IN CHANGING YOUR COLLEGE MAJOR. It’s a part of learning and getting to know ourselves. I was lucky to have family members who supported my decision to change my college major. I’m probably part of a really small percentage of college students who have that advantage, and that can't be good.
On the other hand, I also know a handful of people who are too afraid to change their college majors because they’re anticipating their parents’ disapproval and disappointment. Imagine going to a college that offers 54 different major programs and being confined to only one of them, all while paying a ghastly amount of money. That’s even more wild, don’t you think? If we're going to pay this much money to attend college, we might as well take advantage of all of the resources we have access to. To neglect them would be purely foolish.
If anything, we should be blindfolded and reaching into as many hats as possible during our college careers. We should be encouraged to step outside of our comfort zones and challenge our familiarities. All of this nonsense surrounding the downfalls of changing college majors is so inextricably useless. So what if it takes a little longer to graduate, or if you've changed your major more times than you can count on two hands. Humans aren’t meant to be static creatures. The human brain is dynamic for a reason and we’re doing kids a disservice by negating that.
I applaud people who change their college majors five or more times. They deserve to, it’s their choice and their future. DO IT UP. There’s far too much to learn in this world to limit ourselves to one area of interest. Hell, I’d be a mad woman if that were the case for me.
And to the parents who argue it’s your money that’s paying for their education, money should not be used to control or limit your child’s capabilities, under any circumstance. The ability to afford college is a luxury in itself, and it shouldn’t be used to control who learns what. PERIOD.
To my struggling college friends, please, go about your day and know that I stand with you in whatever it is that you long to learn about, no matter how wildly useless or useful it may be, or how difficult it becomes. I’d even encourage you to change your plan of study if something calls you to do so. Develop your passion and rock it. If you needed permission, it's been granted. Now is the time to do what you love, or immerse yourself in the unknown and invite novel things into your mind. And don’t forget to be proud of yourself for it, not even for a second.
With love,
Gill